Been a real minute

Its been a minute. Happy new year folks.
Latest happenings - finally got naked with stamina. No penetration. Still eager for the hair pulling cake smashing session.

Stamina

Why I call him stamina? Far from what you think. So I work out a lot. Ok I am a gym rat, let’s cut the crap. I am in the gym on average 3 to 4 days a week and I work like I am possessed by demons. I also generally run 10km every Saturday morning when I am not hung-over, or it’s not raining outside which is about 3 Saturdays per month on average. We’ll discuss that another day. Yeah it’s really a conversation you and I should have. In my head anyways.

Stamina Stamina Stamina. The nickname came about because of my gym regimen. Let’s just say right, I noticed around May of this year that a new tall guy came into my gym. From looking at him, he wasn’t new to the gym business, but I had a boyfriend –“Ibadan” at the time, so I didn’t stare too hard. And Ibadan was handling business if you know what I mean.

Any hoots toot to boot, my general regimen for the 4 days I go to the gym is 30 mins running to get in about 4.5km, then 20 minutes on the cross trainer, and then about 6 sets of different weights to get me “bawdied” – it can be weights for my arms, weights with squats etc and about 250 sit up crunches variety. I am in there for about 1.5 hours average if I don’t spend half the time yawning. Let me paint you the picture, I wear Nike tights and nice almost form fitting t-shirts, I like to think I make Nike look like a brand name for exercise porn stars. I generally come in, stretch bring up my legs etc. I stopped giving a damn who watches a long time ago. I reckon I just need to finish and go home to sleep. I have PTSD & Insomnia, I used to work in Baghdad, so I am like half crazy and I don’t sleep till 2am if I don’t tire my ass from working out. Sex isn’t enough to tire me out. I figured that already.

I guess “stamina” had been watching me all along for a few weeks. He actually came to the gym with Ibadan’s friend “Uncle B” who I was familiar with. More incentive to behave myself. Anyways my trainer the “midget bulldog” often decides to make me crazy when he thinks I am getting too fat. I think he prides himself in thinking of my body as his canvas that he can paint on. Never give a trainer a free hand, always tell them what you want.

Anyways the midget bulldog decides he wants me to do circuit training that day. It means I run for 3 minutes, then do one rep of 3 different weights. The problem with that is your body is like on an up and down. It’s very stressful, but a beast like me can handle it, since my goal is to be exhausted when I leave the gym anyways. I figure if I can’t handle it, I’ll just pretend to faint. That tends to solve all problems. So I finished my circuits after doing the whole 3 minutes bizness 6 times and doing 6 different weights – 3 sets– 20 times per set, that’s 18 mins and I free run the balance of 12 minutes. I get off ready to do my 20 mins on the cross trainer and someone taps my shoulder, I relax my headphone in my right ear. And dude goes “you must have a lot of stamina to be able to do all that, hi my name is xxxxyz”, I responded "oh ok I’m the bubblegum thug”. For the life of me, I couldn’t remember his name, so in my mind I just called him stamina. He however claims the stamina context wasn’t sexual; it was merely a compliment on how hard I work in the gym.

I know you are wondering how I got to this level of conversation. Well Ibadan broke my heart and almost had me admitted to a mental institution. Ok I exaggerate, I was depressed coos Ibadan maltreated me along the way. By mid-September, Ibadan had proven beyond reasonable doubt that he wasn’t worthy of by “bubblicious & thuggish awesomeness” and I realised his good for nothing ass had nothing good to offer me. Stamina had been absent from the gym since August, but I couldn’t ask Uncle B, and frankly I had issues of my own. One day Stamina shows up in the Gym end of October fully cloth. He was acting like he was a social prefect. The gym was relatively empty, and he came up to me and said hi. I figured since no one was watching; why not give him my number, they had forced me back onto the officially single market anyways. Apparently he had to stay out of the gym cos his appendix ruptured around August, and he couldn’t work out for 3 months. Oddly enough I ignored his calls that first weekend, because I was on multiple dates with Sehnador. Lol. So that’s how Stamina came about into my life and my wet dreams. Do chics have wet dreams? He is like my fantasy. I drunk watsapp’d him and asked if he would be the coffee in my cream 2 weeks later. Lol.

NESTR

The Bubblegum Thug.

TDHR – Hehehe

The man every woman desires is TDHR! I didn’t say the man every woman gets. TDHR is what? Tall Dark Handsome & Rich. With the exception of white chics, I think most women want TDHR. Problem is more often than not we do not get that. We have to make do with the multiple combinations/ Variations of this. Possible combinations are below:

TDH- We all know this guy, chances are if he is all these, he is damn broke with little ambition or hope of ever making anything significant in his life. TDH is useless if you want a long term situation. But who likes to look at broke eye candy?

THR – we might know this guy too. However he isn’t chocolate enough for a woman like me. Since I am cafe con leche (coffee with a lotta milk), there is something real erotic about my cakes being smashed to smithereens by chocolate hotness. So I’ll pass on this guy. I might tolerate him since the R is present, but not for too long.

TDR – if you are one of those women that believe a man’s good looks aren’t on his face, then this is your man. I am currently talking to a dude named “stamina”. Not sure if he is Rich, but I can jump his bones. I am practicing the dignified trait of self-restraint, because maybe I can keep him around for a minute. I know he is willing to suck my toes and all, hell I lose my mind just thinking about his ability to smash my cafe con leche cakes to smithereens with his 6ft 2 inches 95KG ribbed body. Did I say he picks me up every time to hug me? And he is in awe of my beauty. If he isn’t rich, I don’t mind, he seems ambitious enough. Lol.

DHR -  this is the dude that’s 5ft 10 and below. I personally won’t go below 5ft 7 inches. Just me. I can’t stand a short man, unless his money is on a serious long thing, then he can apply at 5ft. I’ll just entertain myself with his money.

Anything less than a combination or permutation of two of these things is not what a woman wants. It definately cant bubble at that point. lol. Now there are additional varieties to these base properties.

Honesty: uhm boo u aint gonna get an honest man, just be happy with one who tells you the necessary things, and isn’t hiding them from you.

Caring: uhm mushy might irritate you and your ability to see him as a man. Just make sure he is somewhat intuitive and if he isn’t, he should be willing to listen when u lead him to the things you want. Emotionally anyways.

Kind/ generous: this one is self explanatory. You want a man that can share whatever little he has with you. Because there is no use for a man who has a lot and will not share it with you. Total waste of time. This is also where considerate comes in.

PS: remember what you want in a man is often different from what you get. LOL. This post was merely intended for humor and to slide in how Stamina has been giving me sleepless nites – I’ve been busy day dreaming. Celibacy is a dog’s mother.

NESTR

The Bubblegum Thug

Don’t judge me

Ha, let me give a brief on myself. I am a 30 year old half Nigerian (Yoruba) young lady. I have a career as a financial math professional. We won’t even get into what that’s all about. I say it that way cos it makes me feel smart. I am single and attempting to mingle, and it feels like I have signed up to be a part of an un-themed circus. It’s just all over the damn place. I currently live in Lagos, I repatriated 2.5 years ago from NY by way of the Middle East. I won’t tell you where exactly.

Anyways today’s story is about Senahdor. Well I’ll call him Senadhor cos he lives in Abuja and he is a PA to a Senadhor. He is a Yoruba dude that originally from Lagos. He was introduced by a mutual friend. I guess I shoulda known this Negro was off kilter based on the person who did the introduction. Anyways I noticed this dude was always tryna bring in “the kind of woman you are: is” type speeches. I have always wondered what gives people the audacity to judge the kind of person “you are” within such a short period of knowing you. Is it that these people need to feel validated on their “psycho-analysis” of you? I don’t get it really.

I had generally thought to myself, alright this guy thinks he knows when even I cannot predict myself on a good day, someone is busy psychoanalyzing me? I was like hmmp if I need a psychotherapist I would get one. I am only trying to date. This is the same fool who at 30, he had never been in a relationship. I am starting to believe that’s a lie, he probably presented past situations as relationships, cos are there really that many young Nigerian women who are willing to be cut buddies? Needless to say I hugged him a few times and the size of his manhood was lacklustre, so I am really wondering if his ego is just bigger than his reality. Mm kay.

Anyways after a month of listening to his daily rants about his opinion of me, and a few dates on the occasions he came into Lagos, I got upset. My exact words were “what gives you the right to proffer you f**king opinion on me”? You barely know me”. I was vexed. Coulda probably handled it a bit better, but I had pretty much had enough. I was like eew what gives, your d*ck is small, you don’t go down on chicks, you think rough sex should be had with other chics outside of your matrimonial home, really what’s your benefit in my life? It aint like you got a mansion that I can slide into in Ikoyi or something. Dudes just be making me tired I swear. Anyways after yelling at him to keep shut, he stopped BBing me or calling me. I am kind of glad he did, I was tryna get rid of him after he said he believes that certain sexual exploits shouldn’t be had with his wife, since that is the mother of his children and he will feel like he is defiling her, so it should be reserved for the jump offs. I shoulda slapped the taste out of his mouth, but I just smiled.

Nothing Else Significant to Report (NESTR).

PS: Maybe tomorrow I’ll write on “bros” or “stamina” or “Ibadan” or “bottles”. Those are currently the men on the Table.

The Bubblegum Thug!

First Post

Aaah back to blogging again after 4 years. I plan on making the blog a memorable one.

Thanks
The Bubblegum thug